Totally Rad! An 80’s Parody
The Eighties Purim Shpiel
It’s nearly Purim
See the world outside is getting dark
Our Shpiel is starting
A Purim tale that’s sure to steal your heart
You want to scream?
Start booing every time that you hear “Haman” (BOO!)
Your groggers freeze
The Shpiel is starting right before your eyes
It’s no surprise
That it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
Is Esther gonna save them or will Haman take her life?
Yeah it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
They’re fighting for their lives inside our Purim Thriller tonight
The hamantaschen
Are filled with apricot or maybe prune
We chose a short Shpiel
‘Cause no one wants to sit here til’ it’s June
You know the theme
We’re singing like we think it’s still the Eighties
Between you and me
Get ready for a lot of jazzercise
And Reagan’s alright
‘Cause it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
We’ve gotta mention scrunchies, Gorbachev and MTV
‘Cause it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
Sit back and drink some Tab and share
Our Purim Thriller tonight
Our congregation’s engaged in a holiday masquerade
There’s no escaping the King, Esther or these two guys
Haman and Mordechai
The Shpiel is starting
Characters are set on every side
They will impress you
As long as every lyric has a rhyme
Don’t close your eyes!
This isn’t one more long rabbinic sermon
All through the night
We’ll reference Breakfast Club and Goonies too,
And we’re still not through
‘Cause it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
Is Esther gonna save them or will Haman take her life?
Yeah it’s the Eighties Purim Shpiel
They’re fighting for their lives inside
Our Purim Thriller
Another Queen
Vashti is my Queen
Yeah I know she’s been a good Queen of mine
But lately something’s changed
It ain’t hard to define
I told Vashti what to do
But she opted to decline
She’s ignoring my decrees
And she’s setting a bad example,
I just know it…
And she’s reading Lilith Magazine late, late at night
You know I wish I had another Queen
I wish I had another Queen
Where can I find a woman like that?
I want someone who says “Okay!”
I want someone who doesn’t want me to change
You know I feel so angry when she won’t follow suit
I want to tell her to obey me
But the point is prob’ly moot
She’s ignoring my decrees
And she’s setting a bad example,
I just know it…
And she’s reading Lilith Magazine late, late at night
You know I wish I had another Queen
I wish I had another Queen
Where can I find a woman like that?
Another queen
I wish I had another queen
Where can I find a woman…
Where can I find a woman like that?
And she’s staring in the mirror all the time
Reading up on “The Feminine Mystique”
Last I checked we’re in Ancient times
Where’d she learn that philosophy?
Tell me!
Where can I find a woman like that?
Another Queen!
I wish I had another Queen!
I want another Queen!
Esther
Esssssssther!
Esther yeah, yeah!
I’m headed down the royal runway
Looking for my chance to get away
Aiming for the luxury life today
I got me a palace as big as a whale
And I’m looking for a queen to share it
I got me a kingdom, the forecast is sunny
So hurry up and you can share my money
My name’s Esther
And I’m ready for the time when
We can rule together
Esther, Baby….
Esther, Baby…
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Sign says, Stay away fools!
King Rosh rules in the palace
Look I know I’m in ’cause my name is on the Shpiel
First I marry this guy,
then my fame will multiply
Esther in the palace
Esther in a carriage
Esther in the throne room
Esther in the palace
Her name’s Esther
And she’s ready for the time when
They can rule together
Esther, Baby….
Esther, Baby…
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Esther, Queen Esther!
Bigthan and Teresh
Want to Rule the World
We’ve been guarding him
King Ahashverosh
We get no respect
Heaven only knows…
Why we should
Keep on guarding
We could make more
Just by farming
Bigthan and Teresh want to rule the world
It’s our sole desire
Just to be in charge
Help us to decide
Whether we should…
Take our scheming
One step further
Kidnapping
And maybe murder
Bigthan and Teresh want to rule the world
There’s a room where they’ll never find him
We’ll be there when his reign comes tumblin’ down
When we’re through they will fall in line, too
Bow before their brand new royal
Fear will surely make them loyal
Bigthan and Teresh want to rule the world
We have made the right decision
He’ll be seeing double vision
Bigthan and Teresh want to rule the world
Say that we’ll never never never never make it
The time is here, let’s take it
Bigthan and Teresh want to rule the world
Like a Villain
I made it to Prime Minister
The royal number two
Didn’t know what power was
Until I found you
I was poor and unsure
Took my time, now I’ve slimed my way
And you’ve made me feel
Yeah, you’ve made me feel
Evil and cruel
Like a villain
Ripped from a scary headline
Like a villain
Steal from children
To pass the time
Gonna give you all my loyalty
My star is rising fast
I’ll destroy a life or two
Before the morning’s passed
I’m so smart, with no heart
Got a scheme? It’s my dream come true
Just to do your will,
Never get my fill
Of your malevolent style
Like a villain
Ripped from a scary headline
Like a villain
Steal from children
To pass the time
Wooaaah, wooaaah, wooaaah
Cross the line? I don’t mind
I’ll be yours til’ the end of time
‘Cause you made me feel
Yeah you made me feel
Like we’re partners in crime
Like a villain
Trained for an evil-er time
Like a villain
Watch the kingdom… step in line
Like a villain
Ooooh, like a villain
Haman’s Evil Plot
Jews
‘Cause everywhere I go,
there’s Jews
They always make me feel
the blues
I’m not the type you should refuse
I think that Mordechai
He is a real jerk of a guy
He didn’t bow when I came by
For that I’ll really make him cry
Back in the day
Everyone treated me okay
I’d kill them if they said “No Way”
Perhaps that’s why they all obeyed
But now this guy, he won’t be swayed
The stress is making me go grey
I swear I’ll make his people pay
I’ll go to see the King today
I hope he’ll say
Oh Haman, you can have your way
And everyone will shout “Hurray”
My plan will start without delay
I’ll add it to my resume
I’ll have revenge for his display
Jews
They should’ve known that
Jews
I am in charge now
Jews
They can’t escape me
Jews
I am so evil
‘Cause everywhere I go there’s Jews
They must have seen me on the news
This is a crime I can’t excuse
He thinks he won but he will lose
Lose, lose, lose, lose
Save the Jews
Convincing Haman is a waste of breath
Killing enemies is what he does the best
I see the world filling up with all his hate
I’m not sure how best to quickly change our fate
You’ll stop the war and save the Jews
I’ve heard that Haman wants to hurt our people all the time
There’s nothin’ you and I can’t do
We’ll stop the war and save the Jews
I need a plan that foils Haman’s evil plot
Before he ruins us without a second thought
Gotta soften up the King and show him Haman’s lies
Or Haman’s gonna ruin all our lives
We’ll stop the war and save the Jews
We’ve heard that Haman want to hurt our people all the time
There’s nothin’ you and I won’t do
We’ll stop the war and save the Jews
Mmmm mmmmm
Mmmm mmmmm
We’ll stop the war and save the Jews
We’ve heard that Haman want to hurt our people all the time
There’s nothing you and I won’t do
We’ll stop the war and save the Jews
Fame (He’s Haman)
Shushan, look at me!
And tell me what you see
You ain’t seen the best of my yet
Once I’m done I know they’ll forget the rest
I’m gonna get the Jews
And you can tell it’s true
The King is in the palm of my hand
Don’t you know who I am?
Remember my name
(Fame!) I’m gonna live forever
I’m gonna learn how to fly (high!)
Now my plan’s coming together
Mordy will see me and cry
(Fame!) I’m gonna rule over Shushan
Light up the sky like a flame
(Fame!) I will be famous forever
People will cheer at my name
He’s Haman, he’s Haman, he’s Haman,
he’s Haman, he’s Haman, he’s Haman,
he’s Haman, he’s Haman
Baby, it’s my night
‘Cause now my future’s bright
The King has placed me right at the top
The plan is set and nothing can make me stop
Baby, it’s my turn
And Mordechai will learn
I will torture him til’ he breaks
Ooh I got what it takes
Remember my name
(Fame!) I’m gonna live forever
I’m gonna learn how to fly (high!)
Now my plan’s coming together
Mordy will see me and cry
(Fame!) I’m gonna rule over Shushan
Light up the sky like a flame
(Fame!) I will be famous forever
People will cheer at my name
He’s Haman, he’s Haman, he’s Haman,
he’s Haman, he’s Haman, he’s Haman,
he’s Haman, he’s Haman
When Queens Cry
Dig if you will a picture
Of citizens being placed on a list
There’s someone who wants to threaten us
Can you, your highness,
Can you picture this?
Dig if you will my people
They’re really no different than you
Why have they been targeted,
Highness?
They live in peace,
in peace just like me and you
How can you just leave me standing
Alone to be thrown to the wolves?
Maybe I’m just too demanding
Maybe I’m just like my cousin, too bold
Maybe I’m just like poor Vashti
Easily put aside
Why do you give in to Haman?
This is what it sounds like,
When Queens cry
King Ahashverosh
I guess I should have known
By the way you gave Haman your ring
That it wouldn’t last
He’s the kind of person
Who believes in taking over
Now I need saving fast
I guess I must be dumb
‘Cause I thought I had a future
To rule with you
Here as your Queen
But it’s the end of the line
Unless you make it alright
You see all that I’ve got to lose
Oh honey I’m saying
King Ahashverosh
Majesty, please act fast!
King Ahashverosh
Please save my people or our time is past
Don’t You Forget About Me
Thank you for watching our Shpiel
Now that we’re done, time to eat hamantaschen
Hope you enjoyed the whole show
Next year, maybe you’ll come out and join us, baby
It’s great to have everyone
Watch the new Purim Shpiel that we’ve been working on
New songs, but the story’s the same
One more chance to boo Haman’s name, baby
Don’t you
Forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you forget about me
Will you stand for justice?
Don’t look away like it never happened
Be like Esther, please don’t let us down, down, down
Will you recognize me?
Call me out, don’t walk on by
Be like Esther, please don’t let us down, down, down, down
Time to tie up loose ends
Esther and Mordechai won in the end
And poor Haman, he lost all his riches,
His vanity, his authority – all gone.
Don’t you forget about me
I’ll be in your Bible, you know it baby
Goin’ to stay in your heart
As long as you’ll remember your part, baby
Don’t you
Forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you forget about me
I said,
La la la la…